Angel Fish

[Tigger]

Ok, welcome to class Angel Fish. If I could ask you to post a sample sentence. This sentence can be about anything, but it is just the starting sentence for your post. (and I actually have to go, its late, and I have school tomorrow)

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[angelfish]

(ok... hmmm...))

Ebony flashed across the desert as the stag thundered across the wide, open plain of heated sand.

[Tigger]

Excellent xD Hmm, instead of stag though, try using a different word, that relates more closely to horses (if it is horses that you are talking about) And then maybe adding a little more, like maybe the color of the sand, or a more detailed explination of the temperature of the sand. Like: red hot sand, or dimly warm sand, or something.
So revised, it could be: Dark ebony flashed across the desert as the bronco (cayuse, beast, figure, stallion, bulky mass, or steed) thundered mightly across the wide, open plain of red hot (heated, dimly warm, sweltering sand, or parched sand).
Now, if you could write a new sentence, same thing, about anything, and just a starting sentence for a reply, or topic starter.

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[angelfish]

(Ok..Thanks^^.Happy birthday!! . Hmmm...)

Darkness began to fall upon the young horse as she raced to get back to her home before a wolf or some other predator found her.

[Tigger]

(ooo.. thank-you xD I had a very good birthday)

Excellent, again. xD Your sentence structure is very suberb. Just work on using more adjectives, if you could write one more sentence, using more adjectives, about anything, but this time an ending sentence. Hint: use a a thesaurus for words to describe your character, if its a horse, look up horse or pony, or something

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[angelfish]

(ok... I have muse so i should do ok i hope ^^)
The equine laid his massive head down on the earth as the cold darkness of death began to creep over him. He did not fight with the cold drakness, he just closed his eyes and welcomed it with open arms, "Goodbye world your a heck of a place," with those words the life in him slipped away and he was gone.

((Is that ok?))

[Tigger]

W O W! That was awesome xD Great use of adjectives, really helps the reader to feel the mood. Though, you forgot something... It's the last sentence.

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[angelfish]

Oh poo... lol.. .sorry...

[Tigger]

Nope, it's still there. HINT: Its in what he says

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[angelfish]

Was that it? (i fixed what i thought was wrong.)

[Tigger]

Yep xD ok, now that we've finished our introductions, is there
anything in particular that you would like me to teach you?

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[angelfish]

hmm... I can't realy think of anything else in posting i wanna learn....lol.... umm.... nope cant think of anything...

[Tigger]

Ohh.. okee then xD Erm, could I ask you to type a single paragraph. It can be about anything of your choosing, but it has to have at least 7 sentences.

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[angelfish]

The massive equine managed to get some motion out of his worn down pillars. His muscles bulged with the forced movements screaming out in resistance with every step. The stallion's mind swirled with blurry thoughts about what had just happened. A much wiser, stronger, and quicker stallion had attacked his lands. He had lost everything he'd worked so hard to attain; his mares, his foals, his queen... everything now lay in ruin. His ebony head drooped low and a deep voice erupted from his maw That brute will pay for the things he has done. He shook his exhausted bod and began to piece together the plot that would soon win him back all the things that wretched demon had stolen. Pillars reluctantly carried him off into a dark cool cove to rest and plot his revenge.

(How's this?^^Sorry it took soo long... school's a bummer.)